Make yourself a cup of tea. Or some coffee. Choose your favorite spot in the house. Somewhere where is quiet. Maybe you would like some nice music in the background.
Get comfy, get at ease. Take a deep breath, maybe 2, maybe 3, as many you need to quiet your mind too. You can start from here.
Ask yourself: How am I feeling today? What do I need today to be in a good place?
The answers will come. There is a soft voice inside of you, that whispers in your ear from time to time. Most of the time, your mind is so caught up with your daily routine, that you ignore it. That is the voice of your inner truth, that asks you to look at how you are living, how you are making decisions and…
What vision did you have when you were a kid? Where you able to hold it? Yes, I know. You grew up or outgrew it, responsibilities appeared, work, family, friends, taxes, bills, your reality happened. But what made your heart beam with excitement each time you thought about it? What were your passions?
There is nobody around you. It is safe for you to be completely honest with yourself. Letting out your most intimate thoughts will not harm you or others. Are you trying to micromanage your life? Are you able to hold space for surprises for better opportunities? I used to do that. Afraid that everything will crumble if I do not “perform” in a certain way, that I would not be accepted if I show my true colors. I used to think that I need to hold onto to people, even though they used me and did not have my best interest, afraid that if I am going to loose them, I’ll be alone. I was afraid to take a better job, thinking that I could embarrass myself as I did not know everything. I would have developed these ambitions of learning as much as possible about certain topics, so that nobody would caught me on the wrong foot. I thought having the answers was the key.
Now, listen to yourself. What is calling you? You have found a new place: in between what you genuinely want and what you have. Between what you wished to be and who you are now. It is not the most comfortable place to be, it is scary. The realization that you perhaps changed your mind, and you hold on to things, relations that no longer serve you, will generate a flux of emotions difficult to digest. It may be guilt, it may be relief, it may be anxiety that you are not on the right track and you need to do something about it. This realization comes with actions. Slow down. Breath. These are just thoughts. What is calling you, your vision, does not put pressure on you. It wants you to do things in your own rhythm for your own good and the good of others.
Dreams change. Visions change. It is ok to change your mind. It is ok to realize that you have changed and asking for peace and wholeness is your right. As my favorite song (Shroud of False) from Anathema says,
“We are just a moment in time /A blink of an eye /A dream for the blind /Visions from a dying brain /I hope you don’t understand”
I do hope you understand.
I hope you do understand that living for yourself means living peacefully, with gratitude for what you have and who you are.
I hope you do understand that living for yourself means taking care of yourself.
I hope you do understand that living for yourself does not mean you stop caring about others, it means taking care of yourself first.
I do hope you understand that knowing what you want and what you don’t want builds courage to embrace changes and builds integrity.
Keep your head high and have fun! Self-reflection is not about putting yourself down, is about being curious about one’s self and your soul journey!
And you are no alone [wink]
Lots of love and light!
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