Behind envy, you are whole

Envy. Jealousy.

These are hard ones to digest. At a quick google search the response will strike you: Envy is when you want what someone else has, but jealousy is when you’re worried someone’s trying to take what you have.

I’ve been there. I’ve been envious of my childhood friends who had their dads next to them back in highschool. It was just for a glimpse, but I felt it in my core. Then I was ashamed of feeling this. I wished my dad was there, to pick me up from a school, to drop me at a club or to take me out during weekends.

There I was, standing in front of what I was longing. Luckily, my mom and my grandmother had a healthy sense of humour and taught to navigate envy with laughter. I would start screaming in the house with mom using a witchy voice: “you’re envivivious”. My grandma always taught me to thank for what I have, because I don’t know the greater plan. And she was right.

Jealousy was also a tough pill to swallow. Yes, I’ve been there too. Especially during my 20s. I was always like a cat on ice, proud of my partner and yet so unsure on myself. I never gave it too much attention, as my natural tendency is to see the bright side of things. I would snap out of the feeling, addressing the reality: that man loved me and he chose me. That should be enough. Still, I had this urge of demonstrating I am enough.

Then, something happened. I started to easily recognize these emotions in people. It was the tone of the voice, the way they were looking at me, how they were posing questions. Sometimes they would tell me in my face. I was again like a cat on ice, shrinking myself so that others would feel comfortable. I took breaks from friendships, I stopped talking to people when I felt these emotions towards me.

Some people never came back. Other times, people reappeared in my life, totally changed and I could embrace them again. We were on same page again.

Envy and jeaulosy are messy affairs and when felt, it should ring some bells.

Why am I feeling this?

What does it stop me to have what that person has?

Where is this coming from?

What am I afraid of losing?

Who would I be if I have what he/she has? Do I really want it?

Who would I be if I loose this or that?

What effort do I put to achieve my plans?

It comes from comparison.

It comes from an underevaluation of one’s self.

It comes and it goes.

But sometimes, it stays longer.

It transforms in grudge, in resentment, in hate.

Envy is actually Vyne. The name Vyne conjures courageousness, wholeheartedness and gallantry. Behind envy, you are whole.

When are you going to acknowledge yourself?

When are you going to put an effort and get out of your comfort zone?

Where is the love and appreciation to yourself?

Nothing happens in your comfort zone.

Lots of love and light!

#alchemy #emotionalchemy #envy #jeaulosy #transformation #intuition #intuitive #intuitivecoaching #selfawareness #thebendingstar #innercoach #selfdevelopment #opal